That's right. I failed.
Poker night started at 7:00 PM and by 9:00 PM, I had texted the cable guy. I guess while typing the previous blog entry, I got all nostalgic and wanted some answers to all of the questions I had. Even in my intoxicated state, I realized, I mean really realized that that guy is BAD news. Yeah, he's cute. Yeah, he's fun. However, he is unreliable and unresponsive. I am way to good for that, no matter how damn cute he is. Thankyouverymuch.
Poker night was a blast. Only one spill and no broken bottles this time. I had far too many margaritas and I lost my money. But, it's not really about the money. It's about getting some girls together, having a few drinks and most importantly, having a good time. I knew I should have put my phone in the vault for the night, but, stupid me, I didn't.
Right about the time when us girls were wrapping up the poker party, I get a text from GC. He wanted to know if we were still playing poker. I couldn't resist. I invited him over. He said he would be there in his pajamas. I was rather excited about that. He got to my place just before everyone left. He always greets all my friends and dotes on my dogs.
GC gets introduced to one of my dearest friends after everyone else leaves. The three of us sit at the table and talk about guns, rather, the two of them talk about guns. He talks her into staying at my place because she had been drinking. I make us a couple of drinks and we sit and talk some more. (My friend made it a point to tell me the next day that she likes GC and she thinks I should keep him.)
I made a bed in the guest room for my friend and came back downstairs to spend some one-on-one time with GC. I made us some more drinks and we decide to watch a movie. Due date. We barely watched the movie. It was much more fun to make out. I had forgotten what a good kisser he had been in the past. We had always seemed to have a lot of chemistry and it had not dissipated, thankfully.
I don't regret anything that happened that night, but I am a worrier. I worry if things happened to fast. (We only got introduced 5 years ago...) I worry that he regrets it. I worry that I suck. I worry that I gave him the wrong impression of what I really want. I worry that that might be the last time that we hang out. I worry. It's just what I do.
So, at work today, I talk to his friend that introduced us. His best friend. I don't give him any details about what happened at poker night. I just mention that he came over and we hung out and watched a movie. All very true, without all the juicy details. His friend is very happy about this. He is reassuring. I still have my concerns. His friend reassures me that GC flakes out sometimes and that's just the way that he is. OK, I guess. He tells me to be patient and everything will work out. In a good way.
Patience is a virtue. It's not one that God granted me.
In all seriousness, talking to his friend did me some good, but it doesn't keep me from worrying.
On a side note, the co-worker that wants to introduce me to that doctor approaches me again. He said that he told the doctor about me AND my dating detox. The doctor is very interested. I think I am going to give GC a few weeks to see what happens. If he is being all weird and shit, like guys do, then I am going to go ahead and meet the doctor. If GC makes good effort, then I won't bother with the doctor.
I am hoping that GC doesn't wait til next poker night to contact me. I'm going to take a chance the next time we hang out. Hopefully, that's sooner rather than later, but we shall see....
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day #4
I should be cleaning in preparation for Poker Night, but once again the computer distracted me from my to-do list. I'm going to try to keep this short because I do have a long to-do list to complete before 6 PM this evening.
I stayed strong last night. I did not respond to the cable guy. I suspect that he only texted me because he DOES want to come to poker night, but that is not a good idea for many reasons. The first and most important reason is, I don't want him to meet my friends. I don't want him to meet my friends, because I don't want them to assume that we are a couple. I don't want to answer the question: "So, what happened to the cable guy?" When I uninvited him, I told him this. It seems harsh, but it's true and I assume it's the same reason why he doesn't introduce me to his friends and family.
The cable guy and I met through Match.com a little over a year ago. Turns out, we went to the same high school and I knew his younger brother. Actually, I got stood up by his younger brother. Wow, I just realized this and the irony of it all. Anyway, we met on his lunch break at a Noodle's & Co near the campus area. I had never been there before.
He was exactly like his profile described. He looked like his pictures. I found this refreshing. Remember, i had been out of the dating game for 2 years and the cable guy was the first guy I met after I broke up with RR. I remember thinking the cable guy was especially sexy with his work belt and boots. He was bald by choice and had a "soul patch," which I found sexy as well. I remember being nervous. I didn't remember how to date! At the end of our lunch date, he hugged me, but gave no indication of whether or not he wanted to see me again. While I was driving home, he sent a text, he thought I was "stunning" and couldn't wait to take me out.
We went out. Then, we met again for lunch on my day off. The next weekend, we went out again. We saw each other about twice a week for 3-4 weeks. He surprised me on one of my days off and took the day off, too. We had lunch that day and he brought me back to his place to meet his cat. He showed me his guns and he was impressed that I actually knew what they were and I wasn't afraid to handle them. Instead of going out that weekend, I invited him to my place, so he could meet my dogs. I really like the pace of our relationship, he didn't seem to be in a rush for anything and I was comfortable with that. If things would have kept on like this....
I thought things were going well enough, so I suggested that, maybe, he should come over and spend the night. He agreed. He showed up with a six-pack and an overnight bag. I laughed at this, I laugh now as I remember it. Only problem, he had a head ache and left after being there only an hour. I don't know what the hell happened. I don't know if he got scared and panicked, or maybe he really did just have a headache. He left the six-pack, but took his overnight bag when he left.
So, we tried again the next weekend, but this time, he called about 15 minutes before he was supposed to be there to tell me he wasn't coming. No excuse. He just wasn't going to be able to make it. I can't remember if he apologized or not. I was really disappointed. I think he sensed this, too, but never gave any idication that he did. Jerk. But, it gets worse.
We tried yet again. The next week. Same time, my place. This time, he is a no-call-no-show. I panic a little. I think something is wrong. I try calling and texting. No answer. No response. I spend most of the night worrying that something may be wrong, or worse, there could be another girl. He texts me the next morning saying that he fell asleep and slept through the night. He promises to make it up to me.
Like a complete DUMB ASS, I agree, yet again, to attempt the sleep over. Let this stupidity be a true testament to how much I really liked this moron. Same story, he no-called-no-showed. I assumed that he would text me in the morning and apologize and want to get together again, but I was done this time. I deleted his sorry ass from my contacts and moved on with my life.
A couple of months later, I get a random text from an unknown number. Yep, it was him. He wanted to know how I had been and what I had been up to. We text back and forth. I am still not over being stood up at least 3 times, so I start planning my revenge. I tell him that I am busy, I don't want to go out with him, but I need some...uh, you know...relief. He is a guy and he is more than happy to oblige.
We set a date and he actually showed up. Amazing, right? We did what we had inteded to do. First times are always awkward, but it wasn't bad. We ran into one problem: an epic fail with the protection. This may seem like too much information, but it becomes important later. I panic for a moment and he gets dressed.
A month goes by. He is reluctant to come back over. He disappears for a while and doesn't return my calls or texts. This pisses me off. One day out of sheer frustration, I send him a text that says: "I'm late." He knows immediately what I am talking about. I lied to him. I told him that I thought I was pregnant.
Now before you judge me too harshly for this....never mind, go ahead. I know I was wrong. Severly wrong. I know I have a HUGE karmic debt to pay off for this. I still can't help but think it's completely funny and that he totally deserves it.
The poor, poor cable guy. I gave him that news on a Thursday. I let him sweat it out the WHOLE weekend. I imagined him pacing, panicking, punching things. This made me smile. He sent me texts that made me feel really awful about myself, which at the time, made me glad I was torturing him the way that I was. Monday morning I sent him a text and told him that I went to my doctor and the test was negative. I then sent him a text telling him NEVER to contact me again because he was a complete ass. I, instead of just deleting him from my contacts, changed his name to "DON'T ANSWER." Just in case he did try to contact me again.
That only lasted a few months. He texted. I would respond to the texts, but I never suggested meeting up or getting together. Neither did he. I finally confessed about the pregnancy debacle. He was pissed and rightfully so. I asked him to forgive me and he did. He apologized for all the times that he stood me up. I forgave all that, too.
We continue to randomly appear in the other's life, I can only assume, when the we don't have anything else important going on. The cable guy sent me texts when I was seeing Mr. Army, H, and Cesspool. He got the same response all three times: "I'm seeing someone and I'm not a cheater." He understood and respected that, but it didn't hurt to try. When I broke things off with Cesspool, he was among the first to know.
About a month after the break-up with Cesspool, we finally managed to get together. He invited me over to see his new place and meet his new kitten. He had been sending me pictures of her, but he insisted that I need to see her in all her cuteness in person. So, I did. I made a homemade carrot cake and brought him a piece as a peace offering. I asked him to forgive me again. We watched Billy the Exterminator and made out.
Being with him reminded me of all the reasons why I really liked him. He was handsome, smelled amazing and I loved the way that he kissed me. Against my better judgement, we ended up where we ended up. Afterwards, we cuddle on his couch and watch more Billy. His precious little kitten sits on the back of the couch and bats at my hair.
He starts showing me pictures of his neice. He tells me that he wants to settle down and have a family. Now, if I were a normal woman, I would be thinking, "Awww, he is ready to get serious with me." However, I am not your typical woman. What he is saying is causing me to go into a Code-Red panic mode. As he is saying this, I am wondering if he had poked holes in the condom. This reminds me of all the reasons why I don't like him. I am truly conflicted about this man.
I honestly don't know why I do this to myself. It is obvious to everyone that reads this that this guy is bad news. He is BAD for me, but I can't leave him alone. I know. I know. I know. I NEED to, but I don't know if I really want to.
I am NOT going to respond to his text. I have the feeling that I won't go the rest of my 30 days without hearing from him again. We just can't seem to leave each other alone.
Wow, I just lost an hour of my life typing this stupid blog that only my two faitful followers read. I really need to get my chores done and be productive. I am nervous about tonight. About, GC, and if he will show up.
Only time will tell....
I stayed strong last night. I did not respond to the cable guy. I suspect that he only texted me because he DOES want to come to poker night, but that is not a good idea for many reasons. The first and most important reason is, I don't want him to meet my friends. I don't want him to meet my friends, because I don't want them to assume that we are a couple. I don't want to answer the question: "So, what happened to the cable guy?" When I uninvited him, I told him this. It seems harsh, but it's true and I assume it's the same reason why he doesn't introduce me to his friends and family.
The cable guy and I met through Match.com a little over a year ago. Turns out, we went to the same high school and I knew his younger brother. Actually, I got stood up by his younger brother. Wow, I just realized this and the irony of it all. Anyway, we met on his lunch break at a Noodle's & Co near the campus area. I had never been there before.
He was exactly like his profile described. He looked like his pictures. I found this refreshing. Remember, i had been out of the dating game for 2 years and the cable guy was the first guy I met after I broke up with RR. I remember thinking the cable guy was especially sexy with his work belt and boots. He was bald by choice and had a "soul patch," which I found sexy as well. I remember being nervous. I didn't remember how to date! At the end of our lunch date, he hugged me, but gave no indication of whether or not he wanted to see me again. While I was driving home, he sent a text, he thought I was "stunning" and couldn't wait to take me out.
We went out. Then, we met again for lunch on my day off. The next weekend, we went out again. We saw each other about twice a week for 3-4 weeks. He surprised me on one of my days off and took the day off, too. We had lunch that day and he brought me back to his place to meet his cat. He showed me his guns and he was impressed that I actually knew what they were and I wasn't afraid to handle them. Instead of going out that weekend, I invited him to my place, so he could meet my dogs. I really like the pace of our relationship, he didn't seem to be in a rush for anything and I was comfortable with that. If things would have kept on like this....
I thought things were going well enough, so I suggested that, maybe, he should come over and spend the night. He agreed. He showed up with a six-pack and an overnight bag. I laughed at this, I laugh now as I remember it. Only problem, he had a head ache and left after being there only an hour. I don't know what the hell happened. I don't know if he got scared and panicked, or maybe he really did just have a headache. He left the six-pack, but took his overnight bag when he left.
So, we tried again the next weekend, but this time, he called about 15 minutes before he was supposed to be there to tell me he wasn't coming. No excuse. He just wasn't going to be able to make it. I can't remember if he apologized or not. I was really disappointed. I think he sensed this, too, but never gave any idication that he did. Jerk. But, it gets worse.
We tried yet again. The next week. Same time, my place. This time, he is a no-call-no-show. I panic a little. I think something is wrong. I try calling and texting. No answer. No response. I spend most of the night worrying that something may be wrong, or worse, there could be another girl. He texts me the next morning saying that he fell asleep and slept through the night. He promises to make it up to me.
Like a complete DUMB ASS, I agree, yet again, to attempt the sleep over. Let this stupidity be a true testament to how much I really liked this moron. Same story, he no-called-no-showed. I assumed that he would text me in the morning and apologize and want to get together again, but I was done this time. I deleted his sorry ass from my contacts and moved on with my life.
A couple of months later, I get a random text from an unknown number. Yep, it was him. He wanted to know how I had been and what I had been up to. We text back and forth. I am still not over being stood up at least 3 times, so I start planning my revenge. I tell him that I am busy, I don't want to go out with him, but I need some...uh, you know...relief. He is a guy and he is more than happy to oblige.
We set a date and he actually showed up. Amazing, right? We did what we had inteded to do. First times are always awkward, but it wasn't bad. We ran into one problem: an epic fail with the protection. This may seem like too much information, but it becomes important later. I panic for a moment and he gets dressed.
A month goes by. He is reluctant to come back over. He disappears for a while and doesn't return my calls or texts. This pisses me off. One day out of sheer frustration, I send him a text that says: "I'm late." He knows immediately what I am talking about. I lied to him. I told him that I thought I was pregnant.
Now before you judge me too harshly for this....never mind, go ahead. I know I was wrong. Severly wrong. I know I have a HUGE karmic debt to pay off for this. I still can't help but think it's completely funny and that he totally deserves it.
The poor, poor cable guy. I gave him that news on a Thursday. I let him sweat it out the WHOLE weekend. I imagined him pacing, panicking, punching things. This made me smile. He sent me texts that made me feel really awful about myself, which at the time, made me glad I was torturing him the way that I was. Monday morning I sent him a text and told him that I went to my doctor and the test was negative. I then sent him a text telling him NEVER to contact me again because he was a complete ass. I, instead of just deleting him from my contacts, changed his name to "DON'T ANSWER." Just in case he did try to contact me again.
That only lasted a few months. He texted. I would respond to the texts, but I never suggested meeting up or getting together. Neither did he. I finally confessed about the pregnancy debacle. He was pissed and rightfully so. I asked him to forgive me and he did. He apologized for all the times that he stood me up. I forgave all that, too.
We continue to randomly appear in the other's life, I can only assume, when the we don't have anything else important going on. The cable guy sent me texts when I was seeing Mr. Army, H, and Cesspool. He got the same response all three times: "I'm seeing someone and I'm not a cheater." He understood and respected that, but it didn't hurt to try. When I broke things off with Cesspool, he was among the first to know.
About a month after the break-up with Cesspool, we finally managed to get together. He invited me over to see his new place and meet his new kitten. He had been sending me pictures of her, but he insisted that I need to see her in all her cuteness in person. So, I did. I made a homemade carrot cake and brought him a piece as a peace offering. I asked him to forgive me again. We watched Billy the Exterminator and made out.
Being with him reminded me of all the reasons why I really liked him. He was handsome, smelled amazing and I loved the way that he kissed me. Against my better judgement, we ended up where we ended up. Afterwards, we cuddle on his couch and watch more Billy. His precious little kitten sits on the back of the couch and bats at my hair.
He starts showing me pictures of his neice. He tells me that he wants to settle down and have a family. Now, if I were a normal woman, I would be thinking, "Awww, he is ready to get serious with me." However, I am not your typical woman. What he is saying is causing me to go into a Code-Red panic mode. As he is saying this, I am wondering if he had poked holes in the condom. This reminds me of all the reasons why I don't like him. I am truly conflicted about this man.
I honestly don't know why I do this to myself. It is obvious to everyone that reads this that this guy is bad news. He is BAD for me, but I can't leave him alone. I know. I know. I know. I NEED to, but I don't know if I really want to.
I am NOT going to respond to his text. I have the feeling that I won't go the rest of my 30 days without hearing from him again. We just can't seem to leave each other alone.
Wow, I just lost an hour of my life typing this stupid blog that only my two faitful followers read. I really need to get my chores done and be productive. I am nervous about tonight. About, GC, and if he will show up.
Only time will tell....
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day #3, Part II
This is way harder than I thought it would be. The cable guy texted. I so badly want to respond.
Why did I want to do this, again?
Why did I want to do this, again?
Day #3
I took today off work to clean and run errands, but I spent most of it in bed, feeling under the weather. My throat hurts, I'm sinusy and my eyes feel like I have been crying all day. Despite my maladies, I managed to get most of my errands and cleaning done. I came into my office to de-clutter it, but felt the urge to blog instead.
Tomorrow is my monthly Girls' Poker Night. It's where a bunch of us girls from work get together, eat, drink, play some cards and have a damn good time. No boys allowed.
Now, before I started my detox, I had inadvertently invited the cable guy. Honest mistake. I had gotten a new phone the previous day and while texting a girlfriend, he had sent me a message. So, he got the text that was meant for my girlfriend that said, "Poker on the 24th! My house. You in?" His reply was that he would take Friday off to be there. What had I done? Never mind the detox, boys are not allowed at Poker Night, unless you are GC, but that's different, he just makes an appearance for food. I uninvited the cable guy. I may have hurt his feelings, but it wasn't my intention, so I really don't care.
I am nervous about GC showing up for Poker Night. I want him to show up and I don't want him to show up all at the same time. My friends insist that he is going to show up, because he knows it's going on. I am pretending to be convinced that his lack of communication means he is lacking interest as well. We shall see. I can only hope I am right about this one, but I want so badly to be wrong.
I want to say it was 4-5 years ago when GC and I were first introduced. A mutual friend introduced us. One night after work, we met up at Rooster's had some wings and beers. We decided that we were interested enough to go out again on our own. We did. A few times, actually. There was usually alcohol involved. No sex, but a lot of making out.
The we decided on a real date, like a movie. I can't remember if he insisted on it, or I did, but either way, we agreed on a "real" date. That was a good idea, but his work kept him late and we ended up missing the movie time. Rather than a rain check, he invited me to watch a movie at his place. I met him there when he got home from work. He lived in a split level ranch, very similar to my parents house. Upon entering his home, I noticed that every flat surface was covered with aluminum foil. Weird, right? He explained that his parents were staying with him. He gave me a reason, but now, I can't remember what it was. Anyway, he said that his mom puts the foil down to keep the pets, from getting on the couch, the table, and the counter tops. Weird, but whatever. I could careless about aluminum foil.
I'll never forget what movie we watched. Hitch, with Will Smith. I don't remember ever really watching the movie, but it was playing in the background. As I said before, he lived in a split level ranch. So, when we sat on the couch and faced the TV, we could see the stairs going up, to what I assumed, bedrooms and a bathroom. We were tangled up in each other, completely oblivious to the movie that was playing, until the hallway light came on upstairs. We snapped apart like two magnets and sat on opposite ends of the couch.
What I am about to tell you may very well be this man's most embarrassing moment. That is precisely what makes it one of the most unforgettable dates that I have ever had.
So, the light came on, and his dad,wearing only white boxer shorts, shuffles into the bathroom. He, thankfully, shuts the door. For the next twenty minutes, we can hear every grunt, fart, and explosive noise coming from that bathroom. At one point, GC coughs, in attempt to cover up the noise coming from upstairs. I don't say anything. I want so badly to make a joke, but I can tell that GC is humiliated. I know at this very moment in time that GC will never call me again. I know that he is too embarrassed to ever talk to me again. I was right. After that night, it was a long time before I ever heard from him.
This may seem weird to some, but GC worked with my ex-husband. I actually remember having a conversation with my ex about him. I asked the generic, "So what do you know about so-and-so?" My ex's reponse was, "He is a good dude. Good Police." That seemed to satisfy my curiosity at that time. My ex came to me a week later and surprised me. He said, "I really like GC for you. I hope it works." He was sincere. I told him about our last date and we laughed. I made my ex promise not to say anything to him.
The next time I saw GC was at my ex-husband's funeral. He hugged me and shook my son's hand. He cried. I cried. He called me the next week and told me that if I ever needed anything that he would be there. I appreciated the thought and gesture. I told him what I told everyone else at the time, "Just pray for us."
Some years go by and I forget about GC. Then, several months ago, the mutual friend that introduced us mentioned that he and GC went out and they were talking about me. He told me that GC regretted never getting to know me....blah, blah, blah. At the time, I was with Cesspool, but not completely happy. This intrigued me, but I didn't really want to act on it. I didn't, but I thought about it. Then Christmas happened.
So, that's it. I've seen him twice since Christmas. Not serious. Not that interested. But, he exists here because I like him. Because, I want him to be serious and interested and both at the same time. Realisticly, that is not going to happen, but we will see if he does happen to stop by tomorrow night.
On a side note, I have been invited to attend a party on Friday night. As a "wingwoman." Let me just say, I am an awesome wing-woman, but I'm not sure I want to go. My friend that invited me will be the only person there that I know and I'm not sure that I am far enough along into my detox to be comfortable in that social setting. Maybe that doesn't have anything to do with the dating detox. I haven't decided yet. I like to have options, but not too many options. That can get overwhelming.
Tomorrow is my monthly Girls' Poker Night. It's where a bunch of us girls from work get together, eat, drink, play some cards and have a damn good time. No boys allowed.
Now, before I started my detox, I had inadvertently invited the cable guy. Honest mistake. I had gotten a new phone the previous day and while texting a girlfriend, he had sent me a message. So, he got the text that was meant for my girlfriend that said, "Poker on the 24th! My house. You in?" His reply was that he would take Friday off to be there. What had I done? Never mind the detox, boys are not allowed at Poker Night, unless you are GC, but that's different, he just makes an appearance for food. I uninvited the cable guy. I may have hurt his feelings, but it wasn't my intention, so I really don't care.
I am nervous about GC showing up for Poker Night. I want him to show up and I don't want him to show up all at the same time. My friends insist that he is going to show up, because he knows it's going on. I am pretending to be convinced that his lack of communication means he is lacking interest as well. We shall see. I can only hope I am right about this one, but I want so badly to be wrong.
I want to say it was 4-5 years ago when GC and I were first introduced. A mutual friend introduced us. One night after work, we met up at Rooster's had some wings and beers. We decided that we were interested enough to go out again on our own. We did. A few times, actually. There was usually alcohol involved. No sex, but a lot of making out.
The we decided on a real date, like a movie. I can't remember if he insisted on it, or I did, but either way, we agreed on a "real" date. That was a good idea, but his work kept him late and we ended up missing the movie time. Rather than a rain check, he invited me to watch a movie at his place. I met him there when he got home from work. He lived in a split level ranch, very similar to my parents house. Upon entering his home, I noticed that every flat surface was covered with aluminum foil. Weird, right? He explained that his parents were staying with him. He gave me a reason, but now, I can't remember what it was. Anyway, he said that his mom puts the foil down to keep the pets, from getting on the couch, the table, and the counter tops. Weird, but whatever. I could careless about aluminum foil.
I'll never forget what movie we watched. Hitch, with Will Smith. I don't remember ever really watching the movie, but it was playing in the background. As I said before, he lived in a split level ranch. So, when we sat on the couch and faced the TV, we could see the stairs going up, to what I assumed, bedrooms and a bathroom. We were tangled up in each other, completely oblivious to the movie that was playing, until the hallway light came on upstairs. We snapped apart like two magnets and sat on opposite ends of the couch.
What I am about to tell you may very well be this man's most embarrassing moment. That is precisely what makes it one of the most unforgettable dates that I have ever had.
So, the light came on, and his dad,wearing only white boxer shorts, shuffles into the bathroom. He, thankfully, shuts the door. For the next twenty minutes, we can hear every grunt, fart, and explosive noise coming from that bathroom. At one point, GC coughs, in attempt to cover up the noise coming from upstairs. I don't say anything. I want so badly to make a joke, but I can tell that GC is humiliated. I know at this very moment in time that GC will never call me again. I know that he is too embarrassed to ever talk to me again. I was right. After that night, it was a long time before I ever heard from him.
This may seem weird to some, but GC worked with my ex-husband. I actually remember having a conversation with my ex about him. I asked the generic, "So what do you know about so-and-so?" My ex's reponse was, "He is a good dude. Good Police." That seemed to satisfy my curiosity at that time. My ex came to me a week later and surprised me. He said, "I really like GC for you. I hope it works." He was sincere. I told him about our last date and we laughed. I made my ex promise not to say anything to him.
The next time I saw GC was at my ex-husband's funeral. He hugged me and shook my son's hand. He cried. I cried. He called me the next week and told me that if I ever needed anything that he would be there. I appreciated the thought and gesture. I told him what I told everyone else at the time, "Just pray for us."
Some years go by and I forget about GC. Then, several months ago, the mutual friend that introduced us mentioned that he and GC went out and they were talking about me. He told me that GC regretted never getting to know me....blah, blah, blah. At the time, I was with Cesspool, but not completely happy. This intrigued me, but I didn't really want to act on it. I didn't, but I thought about it. Then Christmas happened.
So, that's it. I've seen him twice since Christmas. Not serious. Not that interested. But, he exists here because I like him. Because, I want him to be serious and interested and both at the same time. Realisticly, that is not going to happen, but we will see if he does happen to stop by tomorrow night.
On a side note, I have been invited to attend a party on Friday night. As a "wingwoman." Let me just say, I am an awesome wing-woman, but I'm not sure I want to go. My friend that invited me will be the only person there that I know and I'm not sure that I am far enough along into my detox to be comfortable in that social setting. Maybe that doesn't have anything to do with the dating detox. I haven't decided yet. I like to have options, but not too many options. That can get overwhelming.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day #2
It's bedtime on my second full day. I'd say I have successfully completed my second day. The only males that I have communicated with today were in the performance of my job duties and a facebook chat conversation with my brother. I told my brother about my blog. Surprisingly, he did not call me a loser, but instead encouraged me and complimented my blog. It's always good to have support from the family, although, I'm not quite sure I want to tell my parents about this. I can already see the disapproving looks from my mother. My dad, I can only assume, would neither support nor undermine my attempts.
Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about why I am so compelled to find someone. My honest answer is that I have no clue. Reasons like, because we as humans weren't meant to be alone, seem especially crappy. While I do believe that to a point, it doesn't seem acceptable. It's missing something. The thought had occurred to me, that I look because I want to look and I want to find someone, but I am still missing the why, the compelling factor. I really want to understand this. Hopefully, by the end of my 30 day dating hiatus, I will have a little more clarity here.
The part I do understand is my approach. I have long been of the philosophy that the more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet someone worthwhile. It was this very approach that led me to RR. Before I met RR, I had been on about 10 first dates, but I was hell-bent of finding someone "worthwhile."
RR and I met through okcupid.com. Looking back, I remember not being all that interested in him. The pictures on his profile weren't that great and it didn't seem that we had too much in common. I agreed to meet him anyway, this was all part of my quest. We planned to meet at Thurman's on an especially cold night in January. I was early and I waited outside for him. He was right on time, which was the only time in our entire 2 year relationship that he was ever on time for anything. I wish I would have known. My first thought upon meeting him was, "WOW!" He was very good looking, fit. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Mine. We had a great first date. Talked for hours, and could have kept going, except for the fact that we both had to work in the morning. He walked me to my car, I drove him back to his. No kiss. He told me what a great time he had and that he wanted to see me again and then he jumped out of my car like he was scared of me.
I will admit, RR and I's relationship was nearly perfect in the beginning. We were very enthusiastic about each other. RR told me he loved me after knowing me for only 11 days. Before we even had sex. Now this would be a flaming red flag, but at the time, I was blinded by infatuation. Things were good for about 8 months. He was the most romantic guy I had ever dated. He bought me flowers for no reason, surprised me with weekend trips, and gave me my first piece of jewelry from Tiffany's. He took me to nice places and treated me like a lady. He introduced me to his parents and I became part of his family.
I'll never forget when our relationship would take a turn for the worst, never to return to good again. It was summer time and we were grilling out at his place. When we sat down to eat, he told me that he was going to do a cycle of steroids to prepare for a power lifting competition. Drugs, really? Why that? Why something illegal? We talked about it, or more like, I tried to talk him out of it. He had already made up his mind. This was not OK. We fought, argued, cried, and finally, I left. That lasted two days. He called me, he couldn't live without me. I had been sick without him, too. He wanted to talk, to compromise. Was that even possible? We met, we talked, he got his way. His compromise was that it would only be ONE cycle, then he would stop. I reluctantly and stupidly agreed to that. After that our relationship was never the same. I never felt like that was a compromise. I had conceded. I resented it, too.
The next catastrophic event eroded everything good that was left of our relationship. Kyle's dad was killed in a car accident. All of a sudden I was a completely single mom with a son mourning the loss of his father. I didn't know what the hell to do. RR did his best to be supportive, at first. The only problem with his support is that he did it his way. He didn't support me the way that I needed to be supported. I know this sounds incredibly selfish, but it is true. It didn't take long before he got tired of the situation. Then, instead of offering support, I got accused of still being in love with my ex-husband. He told me to get over it. I didn't have a reason to still be upset about him dying. I should be happy. He told me that he would be happy if his son's mother died. This is when I realized that my father had be right, this dude was a complete ass. I should have left long before I did. I stayed. I stayed because Kyle clung to him, needed him, desperately wanted him to be his "other dad." I was afraid to leave. Afraid of what it may do to Kyle, not wanting to put him through any more unnecessary loss.
During my time of despair, I lost track of the one cycle of steroids. Unbeknown to me, one cycle had become stacking several and many cycles of that. When I finally realized this, the fight was on. I demanded that he stop and he insisted that he wouldn't. We fought and fought. Our relationship deteriorated even more. There was no compromising. I did something that I had promised myself that I would never do. I gave him an ultimatum. He did not pick me. He chose to leave. He was like every addict I have ever met. He wasn't the problem, the drugs aren't the problem. The problem was me having a problem with the drugs. I gave him one last ultimatum. I told him that if he ever contacted me again that I would tell his parents, not only that he was doing steroids, but that he was buying and selling them, too. After the day that he moved out, I never heard from him again.
That is some depressing shit.
On a positive note, I got an awesome surprise today. No, it was not a stripper that was sent to my door to sabotage my 30 days. Good guess. My friend is in town and I get to have lunch with her on Friday!
I'm staying strong, so far. Here comes the hard part: my days off. This will be the true test of my will and conviction!
Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about why I am so compelled to find someone. My honest answer is that I have no clue. Reasons like, because we as humans weren't meant to be alone, seem especially crappy. While I do believe that to a point, it doesn't seem acceptable. It's missing something. The thought had occurred to me, that I look because I want to look and I want to find someone, but I am still missing the why, the compelling factor. I really want to understand this. Hopefully, by the end of my 30 day dating hiatus, I will have a little more clarity here.
The part I do understand is my approach. I have long been of the philosophy that the more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet someone worthwhile. It was this very approach that led me to RR. Before I met RR, I had been on about 10 first dates, but I was hell-bent of finding someone "worthwhile."
RR and I met through okcupid.com. Looking back, I remember not being all that interested in him. The pictures on his profile weren't that great and it didn't seem that we had too much in common. I agreed to meet him anyway, this was all part of my quest. We planned to meet at Thurman's on an especially cold night in January. I was early and I waited outside for him. He was right on time, which was the only time in our entire 2 year relationship that he was ever on time for anything. I wish I would have known. My first thought upon meeting him was, "WOW!" He was very good looking, fit. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Mine. We had a great first date. Talked for hours, and could have kept going, except for the fact that we both had to work in the morning. He walked me to my car, I drove him back to his. No kiss. He told me what a great time he had and that he wanted to see me again and then he jumped out of my car like he was scared of me.
I will admit, RR and I's relationship was nearly perfect in the beginning. We were very enthusiastic about each other. RR told me he loved me after knowing me for only 11 days. Before we even had sex. Now this would be a flaming red flag, but at the time, I was blinded by infatuation. Things were good for about 8 months. He was the most romantic guy I had ever dated. He bought me flowers for no reason, surprised me with weekend trips, and gave me my first piece of jewelry from Tiffany's. He took me to nice places and treated me like a lady. He introduced me to his parents and I became part of his family.
I'll never forget when our relationship would take a turn for the worst, never to return to good again. It was summer time and we were grilling out at his place. When we sat down to eat, he told me that he was going to do a cycle of steroids to prepare for a power lifting competition. Drugs, really? Why that? Why something illegal? We talked about it, or more like, I tried to talk him out of it. He had already made up his mind. This was not OK. We fought, argued, cried, and finally, I left. That lasted two days. He called me, he couldn't live without me. I had been sick without him, too. He wanted to talk, to compromise. Was that even possible? We met, we talked, he got his way. His compromise was that it would only be ONE cycle, then he would stop. I reluctantly and stupidly agreed to that. After that our relationship was never the same. I never felt like that was a compromise. I had conceded. I resented it, too.
The next catastrophic event eroded everything good that was left of our relationship. Kyle's dad was killed in a car accident. All of a sudden I was a completely single mom with a son mourning the loss of his father. I didn't know what the hell to do. RR did his best to be supportive, at first. The only problem with his support is that he did it his way. He didn't support me the way that I needed to be supported. I know this sounds incredibly selfish, but it is true. It didn't take long before he got tired of the situation. Then, instead of offering support, I got accused of still being in love with my ex-husband. He told me to get over it. I didn't have a reason to still be upset about him dying. I should be happy. He told me that he would be happy if his son's mother died. This is when I realized that my father had be right, this dude was a complete ass. I should have left long before I did. I stayed. I stayed because Kyle clung to him, needed him, desperately wanted him to be his "other dad." I was afraid to leave. Afraid of what it may do to Kyle, not wanting to put him through any more unnecessary loss.
During my time of despair, I lost track of the one cycle of steroids. Unbeknown to me, one cycle had become stacking several and many cycles of that. When I finally realized this, the fight was on. I demanded that he stop and he insisted that he wouldn't. We fought and fought. Our relationship deteriorated even more. There was no compromising. I did something that I had promised myself that I would never do. I gave him an ultimatum. He did not pick me. He chose to leave. He was like every addict I have ever met. He wasn't the problem, the drugs aren't the problem. The problem was me having a problem with the drugs. I gave him one last ultimatum. I told him that if he ever contacted me again that I would tell his parents, not only that he was doing steroids, but that he was buying and selling them, too. After the day that he moved out, I never heard from him again.
That is some depressing shit.
On a positive note, I got an awesome surprise today. No, it was not a stripper that was sent to my door to sabotage my 30 days. Good guess. My friend is in town and I get to have lunch with her on Friday!
I'm staying strong, so far. Here comes the hard part: my days off. This will be the true test of my will and conviction!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day #1
I have decided to count the days forward instead of counting down from 30. I don't know why, but it seems easier that way. Every day that I count gets to be an accomplishment that way. Today was Day #1 of 30. 29 more to go.
So far, today hasn't seemed too difficult. I stress, so far. This evening will be the hardest part. I am home and I'm bored. Right now, I'm blogging instead of perusing profiles on my favorite dating websites.
Last night after I posted my first entry, I deleted my match.com profile and my okcupid.com profile. I even deleted my match.com application from my blackberry. Yep, I'm serious. This made me realize that I spent far too much time looking at these profiles. They all say the same thing--laid back guy with a good sense of humor seeking girl...yada, yada, yada. The only thing that's different from profile to profile is the pictures. That makes me wonder if it's the same for the womens' profiles.
I have also realized that I am totally addicted to my Crackberry and its little flashing read light. It is impossible for me NOT to pick up my phone when the light is flashing. I must know if I have a new text, email, or facebook update. I pretty much keep my phone on me at all times, with the only exception being at work. Then, I keep it in my office and I check it very regularly. I can access EVERYTHING from my phone.
There were a lot of jokes today about my dating detox program. It seems that everyone had something to say. I fully anticipated this. My coworkers are putting together an office pool. There will be bets and money involved. It's all in good fun. I even shared my blog with a few people. I sincerely hope that this doesn't start circulating at work in the printed form. Oh, well. I guess this is a risk I am taking by publishing my dating woes on the world wide web.
I do believe that there are some that are set out to sabotage my 30 day challenge. Today, one of the medical staff asks me if I date doctors. This is after he learns of my 30 day detox. Really? I explain that I don't discriminate about professions when it comes to dating. I have dated doctors, attorneys, Kroger cashiers, mechanics, cable guys, cops, managers at toy stores, even guys with NO job. You name it. Then he asks me if I would be willing to meet this doctor that he knows. Again, really? Thanks a lot. I DO appreciate the offer and I tell him that I would be more than willing to meet this doctor--once my 30 days has passed. Any other time someone offers to introduce me to a guy, I can barely wait to meet him. I get impatient and I want to meet him, NOW. Not this time. I don't even ask basic questions. This is temptation and I must resist.
There is going to be a lot of upcoming temptation. This weekend, Kyle, my son, is supposed to stay with one of his aunts. That means I'll be kid free for the entire weekend. I will have no obligations other than feeding my dogs, letting them out to potty and going to work. Only, I took Sunday off so that I could attend a fighting event on Saturday night. There will be plenty temptation there. Some of that temptation may even try to sabotage my efforts. The thought has crossed my mind that I may be better off not consuming any alcohol. We'll see what happens. I may skip out on the event entirely.
And then there is poker night, which is Thursday. Last poker night, GC got an invite to stop by and have some food. Oh, I forgot GC didn't get an honorable mention in my first entry. That is partially because I never dated him exclusively or for any long period of time. In as few words as possible: GC and I were introduced by a mutual friend many years ago, we went out a few times. I witnessed what may have been his most embarrassing moment and after that I didn't hear from him. That is until this past Christmas. Christmas I sent out a mass text to everyone in my contacts wishing them a Merry Christmas. I swear I didn't even realize that I still had his number. We had been texting back and forth since then. The last poker night was the first time I had seem him in years. I had forgotten just how cute he was. More like hot. He came by a week later for dinner on his lunch break. I got a kiss goodbye that night. It was a tentative kiss, like he wasn't sure it should even be happening. Since then we have exchanged a few texts. Nothing serious. I can read between the lines: he is just not that into me.
Here is the controversy with GC. He knows that poker night is on thursday. He will be working that night and he could stop by. I don't think that he will. Before I started my 30 days, he hadn't responded to texts for at least 4 days. Not promising if you ask me, however, one of my friends insists that he WILL show up. So, my question is this: does that violate the rules of my dating detox?
I am going to end with this last thought. When considering the ramifications of my 30 days of no contact with...anyone....I had a fleeting moment of panic. What if I am not missed? What if 30 days passes and no one has even tried to make contact with me? I fully anticipate 7-10 days before I hear from the cable guy. Cesspool may contact me about the girl scout cookies that I ordered from his little sister. GC, well, I probably wont hear from him at all. It is absolutely possible that I could run into Bob when I am out and about. We are members of the same gym, shop at the same grocery store, and live in the same part of town. I have the feeling that he may contact me to see how my 30 days is going. When I thought about this, I found it somewhat depressing that it is possible that no one will care that I just stopped calling and texting. This is the wrong attitude to have. If, by the end of my 30 days, I haven't heard from GC, the cable guy, Bob, or anyone else; I am going to delete them from my contacts. If in 30 days none of them are wondering what in the hell happened to me, then they don't deserve me anyway.
So far this evening my phone has been quiet. No calls. The only texts I have received have been from Kyle's aunt and my friend Orion. Just to be on the safe side, I didn't respond to Orion. He is a platonic friend, but I am not going to risk violating he detox rules.
Only 2 more hours til bedtime and my first day is over!
So far, today hasn't seemed too difficult. I stress, so far. This evening will be the hardest part. I am home and I'm bored. Right now, I'm blogging instead of perusing profiles on my favorite dating websites.
Last night after I posted my first entry, I deleted my match.com profile and my okcupid.com profile. I even deleted my match.com application from my blackberry. Yep, I'm serious. This made me realize that I spent far too much time looking at these profiles. They all say the same thing--laid back guy with a good sense of humor seeking girl...yada, yada, yada. The only thing that's different from profile to profile is the pictures. That makes me wonder if it's the same for the womens' profiles.
I have also realized that I am totally addicted to my Crackberry and its little flashing read light. It is impossible for me NOT to pick up my phone when the light is flashing. I must know if I have a new text, email, or facebook update. I pretty much keep my phone on me at all times, with the only exception being at work. Then, I keep it in my office and I check it very regularly. I can access EVERYTHING from my phone.
There were a lot of jokes today about my dating detox program. It seems that everyone had something to say. I fully anticipated this. My coworkers are putting together an office pool. There will be bets and money involved. It's all in good fun. I even shared my blog with a few people. I sincerely hope that this doesn't start circulating at work in the printed form. Oh, well. I guess this is a risk I am taking by publishing my dating woes on the world wide web.
I do believe that there are some that are set out to sabotage my 30 day challenge. Today, one of the medical staff asks me if I date doctors. This is after he learns of my 30 day detox. Really? I explain that I don't discriminate about professions when it comes to dating. I have dated doctors, attorneys, Kroger cashiers, mechanics, cable guys, cops, managers at toy stores, even guys with NO job. You name it. Then he asks me if I would be willing to meet this doctor that he knows. Again, really? Thanks a lot. I DO appreciate the offer and I tell him that I would be more than willing to meet this doctor--once my 30 days has passed. Any other time someone offers to introduce me to a guy, I can barely wait to meet him. I get impatient and I want to meet him, NOW. Not this time. I don't even ask basic questions. This is temptation and I must resist.
There is going to be a lot of upcoming temptation. This weekend, Kyle, my son, is supposed to stay with one of his aunts. That means I'll be kid free for the entire weekend. I will have no obligations other than feeding my dogs, letting them out to potty and going to work. Only, I took Sunday off so that I could attend a fighting event on Saturday night. There will be plenty temptation there. Some of that temptation may even try to sabotage my efforts. The thought has crossed my mind that I may be better off not consuming any alcohol. We'll see what happens. I may skip out on the event entirely.
And then there is poker night, which is Thursday. Last poker night, GC got an invite to stop by and have some food. Oh, I forgot GC didn't get an honorable mention in my first entry. That is partially because I never dated him exclusively or for any long period of time. In as few words as possible: GC and I were introduced by a mutual friend many years ago, we went out a few times. I witnessed what may have been his most embarrassing moment and after that I didn't hear from him. That is until this past Christmas. Christmas I sent out a mass text to everyone in my contacts wishing them a Merry Christmas. I swear I didn't even realize that I still had his number. We had been texting back and forth since then. The last poker night was the first time I had seem him in years. I had forgotten just how cute he was. More like hot. He came by a week later for dinner on his lunch break. I got a kiss goodbye that night. It was a tentative kiss, like he wasn't sure it should even be happening. Since then we have exchanged a few texts. Nothing serious. I can read between the lines: he is just not that into me.
Here is the controversy with GC. He knows that poker night is on thursday. He will be working that night and he could stop by. I don't think that he will. Before I started my 30 days, he hadn't responded to texts for at least 4 days. Not promising if you ask me, however, one of my friends insists that he WILL show up. So, my question is this: does that violate the rules of my dating detox?
I am going to end with this last thought. When considering the ramifications of my 30 days of no contact with...anyone....I had a fleeting moment of panic. What if I am not missed? What if 30 days passes and no one has even tried to make contact with me? I fully anticipate 7-10 days before I hear from the cable guy. Cesspool may contact me about the girl scout cookies that I ordered from his little sister. GC, well, I probably wont hear from him at all. It is absolutely possible that I could run into Bob when I am out and about. We are members of the same gym, shop at the same grocery store, and live in the same part of town. I have the feeling that he may contact me to see how my 30 days is going. When I thought about this, I found it somewhat depressing that it is possible that no one will care that I just stopped calling and texting. This is the wrong attitude to have. If, by the end of my 30 days, I haven't heard from GC, the cable guy, Bob, or anyone else; I am going to delete them from my contacts. If in 30 days none of them are wondering what in the hell happened to me, then they don't deserve me anyway.
So far this evening my phone has been quiet. No calls. The only texts I have received have been from Kyle's aunt and my friend Orion. Just to be on the safe side, I didn't respond to Orion. He is a platonic friend, but I am not going to risk violating he detox rules.
Only 2 more hours til bedtime and my first day is over!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Challenge.
So, here I am, in from of my computer, compelled to chronical the next 30 days of my life. One of my closest friends told me that I need a "dating detox," where I free myself from the woes of a single woman trying to date. It started as a joke, but quickly became a serious challenge. The challenge is this for 30 days: NO texting, NO calling, NO match.com, NO okcupid.com, NO facebooking with the intent of dating or hooking up, NO booty calls, NO dates, NO kissing, NO meeting random cute guys anywhere and NO hanging out with any members of the opposite sex whom may have dishonorable intentions. What a challenge, indeed.
This challenge comes after a long, tumultuous year of "dating." In the past year, I have been dumped, done the dumping, broke some hearts, and had mine stepped on a few times. I have felt guilty about a couple of the guys that I have unsuspectingly dumped for the next best thing. I have never ended a relationship without someone else waiting in the wings. Shame on me.
So, here's the part where I tell you that I am not going to use anyones' real name or disclose any real location or date specific event. This is mostly to prevent embarrassment to the guilty parties. I'm going to give everyone I talk about a nick-name. I only ask that if you are reading this and feel compelled to leave a question or a comment, don't ask about the identity of anyone and if you do know the identity, please keep it a secret. It's only fair. And, besides, I believe in karma and I don't want it to bite me in the ass later.
Now, I am going to summarize my disastrous year of dating.
About this time last year, I ended my two year relationship with a guy I will call Roid Rage, or RR, for short. It ended for many reasons but mainly because of his inability or refusal to give up steroids. This was a LONG time coming and I was not sorry to see him go. The day he moved out, I gave myself one week to grieve the relationship and then I was determined to move on.
Exactly one week to the day, I signed myself up for match.com. It wasn't that long after that that I met The Cable Guy. We dated briefly, about 6 weeks, and then he got all weird on me. I'm not sure what happened really, but he disappeared and reappeared. I can only guess that he was never that serious about me and so he only acts interested in me when he doesn't have anything else going on. I could go into more detail here, but I'll save that story for later.
After the cable guy, I went on several "dates" and "hung out" with several guys. No innuendos there, just PG rated outings.
My next victim was Mr. Army. Mr. Army was like most guys I date; he looks good on paper, but that doesn't always translate into a quality human being. We dated for a couple of months. I had no real complaints about Mr. Army. He was cute, had a job, car, apartment, cute kid. He treated me well and we seemed to be pretty compatible. That was, until, he decided to drink and drive, then hit and skip, and get his license suspended for 6 months. That is a big no-no in my book. Ultimately, that wasn't the deal-breaker, although it was part of it. After Mr. Army got "work privileges" for driving, he told me that he wanted to start staying with me. He asked me for a toothbrush and, if it wasn't too much to ask, could I possibly clean out a drawer for his underwear? Um, no. So, I promptly ended that and when I did, he cried like a bitch.
After Mr. Army, I dated a guy I will call H. Super nice guy, just not the right guy for me. A mutual friend introduced us and I decided to give it a shot. Besides having totally opposite schedules, we seemed to want much different things from life. I have nothing bad to say about H.
Very soon after ending things with H, I began dating Cesspool, again. Cesspool and I have a long history. We had dated many years ago, lost contact, found each other again, kept in contact while he was abroad, and dated again. On and off. Cesspool is probably one of the most fascinating people I know. We could talk for hours about nothing and everything. Even as I write this, I feel the pang of missing him. Cesspool's stability was a problem for me. He was so reluctant to put down roots and stay in one place. All of his uncertainty led to my doubt, about us and our relationship. I really do think he tried. I felt like I was holding him back, too. While I do not have any regrets about ending the relationship, I still really miss him. Cesspool is the reason why a permanent address is now a requirement if you want to take me out.
I broke things off with Cesspool about mid-January and since then The Cable Guy has made a reappearance and I have been on several more first dates. My most recent date was this past Friday. I met Bob through match.com and we had a really good first date/meeting. I would totally go out with him again, however, I have accepted this 30 day dating detox challenge. Seeing as this is my last night of "freedom," I texted Bob and told him about the challenge. I feel like an asshole, but he seemed understanding enough and told me to get a hold of him when my 30 days are up.
Because, I am going to have so much more free time on my hands. I decided that I need to set some goals for myself and shift my focus to achieving those goals. My first thing is going to be this blog. I can't promise to write everyday, but it will get updated regularly. Next, I have two books that I want to finish. Let's face it, I'm going to have to fill my Friday and Saturday nights with some sort of non-dating activity. Finally, I am going to try to take my chubby ass to the gym on a semi-regular basis. No promises there. I may modify my goals as I go.
For the next 30 days, my friends have full access to my phone, my computer and any other apparatus that I could possibly use to violate the dating detox rules. After all, I do need to be accountable to someone.
Hopefully, I make it through these 30 days. And, hopefully, at the end of the 30 days, I am fully detoxified and I can approach dating with a new-found clarity and perspective.
We shall see how this goes. Stay tuned....
This challenge comes after a long, tumultuous year of "dating." In the past year, I have been dumped, done the dumping, broke some hearts, and had mine stepped on a few times. I have felt guilty about a couple of the guys that I have unsuspectingly dumped for the next best thing. I have never ended a relationship without someone else waiting in the wings. Shame on me.
So, here's the part where I tell you that I am not going to use anyones' real name or disclose any real location or date specific event. This is mostly to prevent embarrassment to the guilty parties. I'm going to give everyone I talk about a nick-name. I only ask that if you are reading this and feel compelled to leave a question or a comment, don't ask about the identity of anyone and if you do know the identity, please keep it a secret. It's only fair. And, besides, I believe in karma and I don't want it to bite me in the ass later.
Now, I am going to summarize my disastrous year of dating.
About this time last year, I ended my two year relationship with a guy I will call Roid Rage, or RR, for short. It ended for many reasons but mainly because of his inability or refusal to give up steroids. This was a LONG time coming and I was not sorry to see him go. The day he moved out, I gave myself one week to grieve the relationship and then I was determined to move on.
Exactly one week to the day, I signed myself up for match.com. It wasn't that long after that that I met The Cable Guy. We dated briefly, about 6 weeks, and then he got all weird on me. I'm not sure what happened really, but he disappeared and reappeared. I can only guess that he was never that serious about me and so he only acts interested in me when he doesn't have anything else going on. I could go into more detail here, but I'll save that story for later.
After the cable guy, I went on several "dates" and "hung out" with several guys. No innuendos there, just PG rated outings.
My next victim was Mr. Army. Mr. Army was like most guys I date; he looks good on paper, but that doesn't always translate into a quality human being. We dated for a couple of months. I had no real complaints about Mr. Army. He was cute, had a job, car, apartment, cute kid. He treated me well and we seemed to be pretty compatible. That was, until, he decided to drink and drive, then hit and skip, and get his license suspended for 6 months. That is a big no-no in my book. Ultimately, that wasn't the deal-breaker, although it was part of it. After Mr. Army got "work privileges" for driving, he told me that he wanted to start staying with me. He asked me for a toothbrush and, if it wasn't too much to ask, could I possibly clean out a drawer for his underwear? Um, no. So, I promptly ended that and when I did, he cried like a bitch.
After Mr. Army, I dated a guy I will call H. Super nice guy, just not the right guy for me. A mutual friend introduced us and I decided to give it a shot. Besides having totally opposite schedules, we seemed to want much different things from life. I have nothing bad to say about H.
Very soon after ending things with H, I began dating Cesspool, again. Cesspool and I have a long history. We had dated many years ago, lost contact, found each other again, kept in contact while he was abroad, and dated again. On and off. Cesspool is probably one of the most fascinating people I know. We could talk for hours about nothing and everything. Even as I write this, I feel the pang of missing him. Cesspool's stability was a problem for me. He was so reluctant to put down roots and stay in one place. All of his uncertainty led to my doubt, about us and our relationship. I really do think he tried. I felt like I was holding him back, too. While I do not have any regrets about ending the relationship, I still really miss him. Cesspool is the reason why a permanent address is now a requirement if you want to take me out.
I broke things off with Cesspool about mid-January and since then The Cable Guy has made a reappearance and I have been on several more first dates. My most recent date was this past Friday. I met Bob through match.com and we had a really good first date/meeting. I would totally go out with him again, however, I have accepted this 30 day dating detox challenge. Seeing as this is my last night of "freedom," I texted Bob and told him about the challenge. I feel like an asshole, but he seemed understanding enough and told me to get a hold of him when my 30 days are up.
Because, I am going to have so much more free time on my hands. I decided that I need to set some goals for myself and shift my focus to achieving those goals. My first thing is going to be this blog. I can't promise to write everyday, but it will get updated regularly. Next, I have two books that I want to finish. Let's face it, I'm going to have to fill my Friday and Saturday nights with some sort of non-dating activity. Finally, I am going to try to take my chubby ass to the gym on a semi-regular basis. No promises there. I may modify my goals as I go.
For the next 30 days, my friends have full access to my phone, my computer and any other apparatus that I could possibly use to violate the dating detox rules. After all, I do need to be accountable to someone.
Hopefully, I make it through these 30 days. And, hopefully, at the end of the 30 days, I am fully detoxified and I can approach dating with a new-found clarity and perspective.
We shall see how this goes. Stay tuned....
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