The Challenge.

So, here I am, in from of my computer, compelled to chronical the next 30 days of my life.   One of my closest friends told me that I need a "dating detox," where I free myself from the woes of a single woman trying to date.  It started as a joke, but quickly became a serious challenge.  The challenge is this for 30 days:  NO texting, NO calling, NO match.com, NO okcupid.com, NO facebooking with the intent of dating or hooking up, NO booty calls, NO dates, NO kissing, NO meeting random cute guys anywhere and NO hanging out with any members of the opposite sex whom may have dishonorable intentions.  What a challenge, indeed.

This challenge comes after a long, tumultuous year of "dating."  In the past year, I have been dumped, done the dumping, broke some hearts, and had mine stepped on a few times.  I have felt guilty about a couple of the guys that I have unsuspectingly dumped for the next best thing.  I have never ended a relationship without someone else waiting in the wings.  Shame on me.

So, here's the part where I tell you that I am not going to use anyones' real name or disclose any real location or date specific event.  This is mostly to prevent embarrassment to the guilty parties.  I'm going to give everyone I talk about a nick-name.  I only ask that if you are reading this and feel compelled to leave a question or a comment, don't ask about the identity of anyone and if you do know the identity, please keep it a secret.  It's only fair.  And, besides, I believe in karma and I don't want it to bite me in the ass later.

Now, I am going to summarize my disastrous year of dating.

About this time last year, I ended my two year relationship with a guy I will call Roid Rage, or RR, for short.  It ended for many reasons but mainly because of his inability or refusal to give up steroids.  This was a LONG time coming and I was not sorry to see him go.  The day he moved out, I gave myself one week to grieve the relationship and then I was determined to move on.

Exactly one week to the day, I signed myself up for match.com.  It  wasn't that long after that that I met The Cable Guy.  We dated briefly, about 6 weeks, and then he got all weird on me.  I'm not sure what happened really, but he disappeared and reappeared.  I can only guess that he was never that serious about me and so he only acts interested in me when he doesn't have anything else going on.  I could go into more detail here, but I'll save that story for later.

After the cable guy, I went on several "dates" and "hung out" with several guys.  No innuendos there, just PG rated outings.

My next victim was Mr. Army.  Mr. Army was like most guys I date; he looks good on paper, but that doesn't always translate into a quality human being.  We dated for a couple of months.  I had no real complaints about Mr. Army.  He was cute, had a job, car, apartment, cute kid.  He treated me well and we seemed to be pretty compatible.  That was, until, he decided to drink and drive, then hit and skip, and get his license suspended for 6 months.  That is a big no-no in my book.  Ultimately, that wasn't the deal-breaker, although it was part of it.  After Mr. Army got "work privileges" for driving, he told me that he wanted to start staying with me.  He asked me for a toothbrush and, if it wasn't too much to ask, could I possibly clean out a drawer for his underwear?  Um, no.  So, I promptly ended that and when I did, he cried like a bitch.

After Mr. Army, I dated a guy I will call H.  Super nice guy, just not the right guy for me.  A mutual friend introduced us and I decided to give it a shot.  Besides having totally opposite schedules, we seemed to want much different things from life.  I have nothing bad to say about H.

Very soon after ending things with H, I began dating Cesspool, again.  Cesspool and I have a long history.  We had dated many years ago, lost contact, found each other again, kept in contact while he was abroad, and dated again.  On and off.   Cesspool is probably one of the most fascinating people I know.  We could talk for hours about nothing and everything.  Even as I write this, I feel the pang of missing him.  Cesspool's stability was a problem for me.  He was so reluctant to put down roots and stay in one place.  All of his uncertainty led to my doubt, about us and our relationship.  I really do think he tried.  I felt like I was holding him back, too.  While I do not have any regrets about ending the relationship, I still really miss him.  Cesspool is the reason why a permanent address is now a requirement if you want to take me out.

I broke things off with Cesspool about mid-January and since then The Cable Guy has made a reappearance and I have been on several more first dates.  My most recent date was this past Friday.  I met Bob through match.com and we had a really good first date/meeting.  I would totally go out with him again, however, I have accepted this 30 day dating detox challenge.  Seeing as this is my last night of "freedom," I texted Bob and told him about the challenge.  I feel like an asshole, but he seemed understanding enough and told me to get a hold of him when my 30 days are up.



Because, I am going to have so much more free time on my hands.  I decided that I need to set some goals for myself and shift my focus to achieving those goals.  My first thing is going to be this blog.  I can't promise to write everyday, but it will get updated regularly.  Next, I have two books that I want to finish.  Let's face it, I'm going to have to fill my Friday and Saturday nights with some sort of non-dating activity.  Finally, I am going to try to take my chubby ass to the gym on a semi-regular basis.  No promises there.  I may modify my goals as I go.

For the next 30 days, my friends have full access to my phone, my computer and any other apparatus that I could possibly use to violate the dating detox rules.  After all, I do need to be accountable to someone.

Hopefully, I make it through these 30 days.  And, hopefully, at the end of the 30 days, I am fully detoxified and I can approach dating with a new-found clarity and perspective.

We shall see how this goes.  Stay tuned....